Tuesday, July 13, 2004

There Goes the Neighborhood

My new next door neighbor (that Chris suspsects is FBI) accidently locked himself out of his house when he went out for his evening jog. I lent him my Foxwoods Wampum card so he could pick the lock and teach me how to do it. Now I'm kind of freaked out to know how easy it is for anyone to get into my house without busting a window. I think I'll start using that dead bolt more often. It took him less than five seconds to open his front door (with its "Insured by Smith & Wesson" sticker). I noticed his next door neighbors now have a huge red "Beware of Dog" sign posted right in the middle of their door. I wonder if Piglet the pit bull has developed a taste for human flesh? Gotta keep that in mind next time we run into each other at the mailbox.

10 Comments:

At 9:54 PM, Blogger Phatback said...

So you got rid of those street blocking neighbors of yours and got some Monroeville types in there now?

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger Reb said...

I wouldn't go as far as to say "Monroeville" but yeah, I better figure out a good sign to hang on my door. I don't want any trouble.

 
At 3:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My girlfriend's parents live in Monroeville, what exactly does that imply? I should add that they are ashamed to admit their Monroeville zip code and often claim Murrysville as their address, but no one will tell me why.

 
At 4:56 PM, Blogger Reb said...

Ed Ochester probably sums it up best in this poem:

Monroeville, PA

One day a kid yelled
"Hey Asshole!"
and everybody on the street
turned around

 
At 6:18 PM, Blogger Phatback said...

I don't know why Rebecca is ashamed to admit she's from there. But what do I know, I'm from Sharpsville. We don't care about those big city snobs anyway.

 
At 7:11 PM, Blogger Reb said...

If I was from there, I'd admit it. But for the two years I lived across the bridge from Monroeville, I lived in Wilkins Twp. (there's a big ass sign welcoming you) My dad paid local taxes to Wilkins. My zip code was 15235. If I lived in Monroeville I would have graduated from Gateway High School. I did not. I graduated from Woodland Hills.

So you can stop besmirching my good name by spreading these dirty and false rumors. Besides, when anyone asks where in Pittsburgh I'm from I say West Mifflin, because that's where I spent the most time growing up.

 
At 9:11 PM, Blogger Julie said...

I've been sternly corrected. Laine's parents technically live in Export and claim Murrysville as their address. I apologize profusely for my insensitivity to the subtle nuances of Pittsburgh suburbs.

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger Reb said...

Yeah, being insensitive to something like that could irreparably destroy a relationship.

 
At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Murrysville and Export are pretty freaking far into the cut to even be considered Pittsburgh suburbs.

Booyah!

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Phatback said...

Just as long as you're not from East McKeesport.

 

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