Dolly Parton is Cooler Than You or I

by Guest Blogger Tender Buttons

My good friends Jayme and Sue took me on a surprise trip to Dollywood last summer after I took the bar. Located in the dry town of Pigeon Forge, TN, Dollywood is actually a really fun amusement park--it has good rides, fried macaroni and cheese bites, a Dolly museum, and a very angry man in a bear suit who repeatedly tried to choke the life out of me. There, I developed a huge admiration for the incomparable American treasure that is Dolly Parton. Despite the homicidal maniac cloaked in child-friendly costume offering hugs to unsuspecting innocents such as myself.

Last night, I went to see the wonderful and multi-talented Dolly at DAR Constitution Hall. It was fabulous. I had wondered what kind of crowd she'd pull in here in DC. Turns out, about 60% gay male couples. I brought Brock, a self-described "hardcore metalhead". Right after arriving, we ran into Joe, a coworker who I talked into buying a ticket earlier that afternoon. I don't know how Ticketmaster determines "best seat available" when you buy off their website because they stuck Joe in the middle of an almost completely empty section. Occasionally I'd glance over and see Joe, lone fan in Section G.

Anyway, the crowd was pumped for Dolly to come out. She did not disappoint, looking hotter than anyone pushing 60 should, in a sparkly little number. She's promoting her upcoming album of cover songs so about half the tunes were from that--Crimson and Clover, Imagine, Me and Bobby McGee. . . that was all great but I must say I was sad that she didn't perform more of her standard classics. Brock was impressed by her various instruments, like some Fender guitar actually made out of a car and some random piano/guitar thing we couldn't identify. Dolly sang some blues song about PMS that I could've done without. The show was peppered with Dolly's jokes, my favorite being when someone yelled that they loved her and she replied "I love you too, but I told you to stay in the truck!" It as also damn funny when she started singing "Drag Queen, Drag Queen" to the tune of Jolene while some schmuck dressed as Dolly tried to jump on stage. Brock even laughed at the unfunny jokes about Viagara because the drummer would do a rimshot afterwards.

All in all, it was a damn fine show and Dolly sounded great.

Later that night, after I was home and getting ready for bed, the phone rang. It was one of my standard ringtones, Dolly's "Why'd You Come in Here Looking Like That" (sorely missed at the show). I answered, chatted for a bit, and when I hung up noticed that the vibrate icon was still on my phone. I had my phone on vibrate all day--at work, dinner, the concert--and it vibrated when I got texts, voice mails, etc. throughout the day. I never turned the ringer on--yet it rang Dolly.