Some Things I Learned in 2005 (a short list)

1. When diapering, flip the switch DOWN.

2. The epidural is the single greatest invention of the 20th century.

3. The second greatest invention is stain guard.

4. As a busy mom, I don't have the luxury of dying for poetry, or anything else for that matter.

5. No matter how many accolades and how much warmth a gruesome soul receives, his soul will remain gruesome.

6. Hateful e-mails and anonymous blog comments give me strength and further my resolve to continue to write poems or "destroy all things poetry" (same difference, I'm told). Especially last night's bold anonymous comment. This little housewifey is thrilled that her mere blogging existence has the power to distract the true, great poets from their own work--if only for a few moments a day. Every little chip makes my own shallow, phony, lice-ridden poemies seem all that much better. I don't care if my poems don't stand the test of time to Tuesday, as long as I can ruin what you treasure most. Perhaps after I'm through with that, I'll nail the true poets' women, just for giggles--and something to blog about.