Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Conversation While Opening the No Tell Books Checking Account

Bank Officer: Estimated yearly revenue?

Me: Oh, not that much.

BO: Under $20,000?

Me: You betcha.

BO: Will you need statements sent to anyone else other that you?

Me: Not unless I get an old man investor sweet on me and doesn't care that I blow through all of his money.

Any nutty old man investors sweet on me out there? Goofy old ladies? Emotionally challenged trust fund kids?

That's OK, keep your money.

No Tell Books is POD, fiscally conservative, all the books covers have images of big beautiful breasts!

No Tell Books is gonna break even!

And if not, the bank automatically approved the press for an $18,000 credit line even after I told them the business was unlikely to make much money publishing poetry and would only be able pay back loans in verse.

Yeah, it's the poet with her head up her ass. Hello bankers, do we know our roles? Mine is to make poetry books. I thought yours was to make money?

Addendum: I've discussed it with Chris. I'm going to use that $18,000 line of credit to buy a van and mattress (to save on hotel expenses for travelling poets -- get your mind of the gutter).

That's right boys and girls, the No Tell Poetry Van is coming to your town!

Dear Nutty Old Man Investor, please send gas money!


At 12:53 PM, Blogger shann said...

sounds great- I used to sleep in my car all the time on the road- I'd much rather bunk with poet friends in a van- it's not so safe alone anymore.

and I'm tired of paying $80 and up for a room I barel use.

At 1:31 PM, Blogger shanna said...


& i have driven a school bus from austin to new orleans and back, and also a steam roller, and a "borrowed" police vehicle. in case you need a driver. ;)

At 3:16 PM, Blogger shann said...


I have GOT to meet you someday- I'm from Houston- we once took a Corvette to the Louisiana line with nine people- top down, of course.

But that wasn't for poetry

At 11:16 PM, Blogger Jessica Smith said...

i'm holding out for this one... i fantasize about living in my car :)

At 2:43 AM, Blogger Robert said...

Just to summarize: the business case for poetry is, "I'm going to squander your money on a mattress and a van."

The fact that investors bought it sounds like the dot-com era all over again. Next time, try selling online tuna sandwiches that cost $1 to make for 50 cents. And ship them unrefrigerated, third class. Smells like innovation.


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