Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Do I Need a More Official Sounding Title

like "sexy poem expert" or perhaps "banana hammock inspector"?

Yesterday I was interviewed by a reporter at Flash News, a subscription-based culture news wire. He stumbled across the book on Lulu and decided to do a story. Being the media-whore that I am, I was thrilled.

I was a little surprised by a few things, one, that even though he received a review copy, he didn't read (any of) it and was writing the brief article without it on hand. After I explained that it wasn't a collection of adultery poems, we got to business chatting -- which wasn't what I expected at all either. What he wanted to discuss was tips on writing seduction poems. I guess that is logical -- but for some reason I wasn't expecting that. The article came out today -- but since it's a subscription based service, I don't think I'm supposed to reprint here.

It's pretty much what I expected after the interview, brief and fun -- quick mention of the anthology and then offering "Another big mistake when writing seductive stanzas is focusing the poem on physical attributes, such as comparing the color of your lover's eyes to the sky" and one should avoid using "trite rhymes like "breast" and "chest" or "rock" and "cock."" (Forgive me, I was on the spot!)

I just got a call from a radio program in Dublin, Ireland (FM 108). On Thursday I'll be recording an interview with "Jack & Ally" sharing my "expert seduction poem techniques" for the listeners.

I plan to be more prepared this time around.

Um, anyone care to offer up some tips they don't mind me passing off as my own?


At 12:06 PM, Blogger Jimmy said...

1) Haiku always gets 'em hot
2) judicious deployment of the word "sphincter" and the phrase "back fat"
3) Change your name to Jorie and buy the most powerful blow dryer you can find

At 1:37 PM, Blogger shann said...

great, Jimmy- those are all fabulous!

Yeah! on the virtual ink, Reb!

Every little bit helps-

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Tony said...

Gascoigne has some good tips on seduction poems....

At 2:52 PM, Blogger Laurel said...

I'd advise that folks try to use the word "bosom" as much as possible. And not just like "you have a lovely boson" but also in surprising ways... since poems should SURPRISE! So like, "bosom me some more canned peas" and also, "Bosom TIME!"

And when in doubt, tell them to steal from country music lyrics. That's how I've seduced many a poor lad.

At 3:45 PM, Blogger Steven D. Schroeder said...

Do the opposite of what's expected. Don't brag or self-deprecate. Make the words themselves sensual.

At 5:01 PM, Blogger Ivy said...

Yay on the media attention! Irish people love words -- so before the start of the show, offer to read one of the poems out -- your version of the tiniest glimpse of lace at the top of the stocking.

And you can steal this tip, Reb.

TIP: Read the poem aloud to the recipient while maintaining lusty eye-contact. Takes practice but well worth it.

At 5:36 PM, Blogger Charles said...

I think "Sex Bitch" has a nice ring to it.

At 7:13 PM, Blogger Phatback said...

Number one, what? Seduction poem techniques? What?

Number two, I write one haiku and all of a sudden everyone's all on haiku.

Number three, seduction poem techniques?


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