I'm putting "Harrlynn's" comment top level not because I wish to discuss, defend myself or engage her any further -- but to offer this explicit example that succinctly expresses a sentiment encountered by all poet-parents at one time or another (or sadly, in some cases, quite often) -- especially poet-mothers. I correspond with a lot of writer parents and writers who are considering/planning on having children -- these discussions go all over the board; about balance, time management, choices, sources of strength and dealing with outside attitudes.

Attitudes like:

* One's work is only valuable based on its financial viability and/or ability to generate personal "fame."

* Mothers should not pursue any interests, vocations, professions if takes away any time from their children -- unless its financially necessary.

* A mother choosing to do anything that is not an option for all mothers is threatening/insulting/disrespecting them.

* A mother can never sacrifice or suffer enough -- that is her designated role.

--------------

At 5:32 PM, Harrlynn said...

i think what i'm arguing here for is personal responsibility and good fiscal sense.

there's no way reb is making any money writing--and is probably, in fact, spending quite a bit on her poetry habit. and now she's made the decision to invest more money in her poetry habit, at the expense of having an actual--and usually available--parent care for the child in question.

there's nothing wrong with daycare when you're feeling overwhelmed by 3 or 4 young children, or if you're a single mother struggling to make a life for you and your child. or, if both parents are working, your careers more than cover the substantial costs of daycare.

in reb's case, the case of the unknown writer, paying somebody else to take care of her kid, when she's already home, seems like a terrible investment--spiritually, financially, cosmically, and karmically--or at least an affront to hard working people everywhere who don't have the luxury to make the decision that reb so proudly announced.

--------------

You can accept these sentiments and feel the guilt and shame they're intended to provoke -- or you can recognize the destructiveness, the desperate attempt at societal control over the individual, the source of the self-loathing and why its being lobbed your way in the first place.

You can remember your own values, the reasons you first came to poetry, writing and art. You can impart these lessons, ideas and examples on your own children so they don't grow up and become the type of person shown above.