Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I Hear Penthouse Stories Pays

So No Tell Motel is receiving a metric ton of unusual submissions and quite a few "out there" queries. At first I chalked it all up to the mention in the last issue of P&W, but last night I discovered we're also mentioned in the latest issue of Writer's Digest.

Well, the submission box hasn't been dull, that's for sure. I think my favorite so far is the guy bitching at us for not mentioning in our guidelines whether or not we're a paying market. Now normally I would respond, but he specifically instructed that we not respond with our "cliche-ridden lectures" about how small presses can't pay and how he could provide a long list of small presses that do indeed pay. Hmm, I'm at a loss, he doesn't want my usual lecture and he's now forwarded that same e-mail to me 3 times in the past week, so I'm working on a new un-cliched lecture because I am nothing except here to serve:

Dear Sir,

Only a total douche nozzle would expect payment from an unaffiliated, unfunded online poetry magazine published by two housewives working from their livingroom sofas. Judging by your m4d query sk1llz, we'd be more inclined to pay you not to submit, but alas, as a small press we simply haven't the funds.

Discreetly Yours,

Reb "Fucking" Livingston

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At 1:56 PM, Blogger tom said...

sounds like a good response to me. jim chandler at Thunder Sandwich has the Thunder Bucket where he posts offensive emails to the magazine.

At 2:28 PM, Blogger François said...

Gotta love the m4d l337 sp33k sk1llz

At 4:55 PM, Blogger Collin said...

Fantastic response. Now if you can set it to music, it could beceome in the indie mag/press national anthem. :)

At 5:58 PM, Blogger shann said...


good answer

At 10:31 PM, Blogger Jilly said...

Thanks, I needed a laugh.

At 1:20 PM, Blogger shanna said...

i think you can ask them to take you out. we did that for soft skull and lit. being listed there just guarantees tons of inappropriate submissions.

(the CLMP guide is way better, but also optional. as small as y'all are, you probably get more than enough as it is.)

At 3:32 PM, Blogger Reb said...

Oh, I've asked to be removed from directories (Poets Market, for one), but we're mentioned in an article in the magazine -- that's where all the attention is coming from. It's nice to be mentioned, I'm not necessarily complaining about that, but it did come as a surprise.

At 8:51 PM, Blogger Simon said...

I think my favorite so far is the guy bitching at us for not mentioning in our guidelines whether or not we're a paying market.

That's the guy! We heard from him too, it must have been a mass e-mail. I felt special until now. :(


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