I Was Alice Mallory, Extraordinaire

Who was the mock trial witness diva? You guessed it. I remembered my story, stuck to it and skull fucked the prosecution's map exhibit. Southwest, southeast, south on the median, I was using all that directional lingo like a pro. According to Tender Buttons, my look of sheepishness was flawless (when asked why I never reported what I saw to the police despite being the crossing guard on scene) and I was quite skillful at "throwing in highly prejudicial commentary."

I'm thinking about giving up poetry and jewelry design and becoming a professional witness.

TB was all professional and lawyer-like. Kind of scary to see your little sis acting all interrogatish. I wanted to jump up and yell, "Don't let her intimidate you! She sucked her two fingers until second grade!"

But seriously, she was an awesome defense attorney. She was like Mr. Clean moping up the courtroom with the plaintiffs.