What's In a Name?

Last night Chris and I decided on a full name for our son (I'm not going to announce it here any time soon, so don't ask). We were always in agreement that we would not pick a popular name of the moment like many of our friends have. We decided not to pick any top 10 (or 100) names. I don't care how much I like a name, I'm not going to like it if there are four other little boys in his class with the same name. In fact, one other little boy in his class with the name would piss me off. There was always another Rebecca in my class and I hated it. There can be only one.

That being said, we don't want to give our son a too unique (i.e. weird) name that people don't know how to pronounce it or find it particularly distracting. My parents were teenagers when I was born and while "Rebecca Lynn" may not be my first choice for a name, I'm damn thankful I wasn't named Choco-Cherrie Moonspasm Livingston. If I was given the responsibility of naming a girl when I was 15, I most likely would have doomed her to the life of a stripper or weathergirl. For the official record, I have no complaints about my name.

For a couple months Chris and I went back and forth with ideas, well mostly they were my ideas and he would dismiss them with "lame" or something that implied our son's manhood would be impeded with such as name. He'd say, "Can you imagine some girl saying 'Stick it to me ________'" to which I'd reply, "I can't imagine any woman saying 'stick it to me anybody.' What the hell kind of books are you reading?"

In September we had a breakthrough, it was as if the magical fate fairies were twirling around our eyes, we both spotted the same name in a book and we lit up. Not only the first name we ever agreed on, the first name we both really liked. As a poet, I instantly loved both the meaning and the sound. This was a huge relief to me. I'm not one of those people who can just wait until the last minute or until he's born and make a decision then. I'm a planner. Not having a plan would means no sleep and a lot of inappropriate vomiting. Sure, unexpected events arise and plans change all the time. But there still has to be a plan.

For the next month in a half we debated middle names. I made one requirement, a syllable requirement to balance the first and name. We debated about 8 names. I ordered numerology reports on them. Chris favored the ones that implied our son would grow up to be sadist. The report he favored most said:

"Powerful, a conqueror, devours the weak and rules the strong. The name *** Morrow reflects money and power. It is a carnivore, a winner at all cost. . . has the power and potential to achieve great things. Whatever the enterprise, it strives to be the best and most successful in its field. Extremely competitive and not afraid of challenges or challengers. A visionary, a realist, and a planner. Discipline and perseverance. Dynamic and efficient.

Rewards the faithful and hardworking employee, but has no tolerance for the incompetent."

Basically, Chris' dream son.

I leaned more towards the ones that balanced strength with compassion, implied creativity and charm. The report and name I favored most said:

"The name ***Morrow induces a sense of freedom and adventure, risks and rewards, gambling and daring acts of courage. The name has passion and excitement. . .can do anything, is extremely capable, and a true survivor. It is also highly flexible, can adapt to new circumstances quickly, and has excellent reflexes; often, important decisions are made in seconds, seemingly impulsively even. But due to sharp intuition and even sharper intelligence, those decisions are almost always right on the money. Youthful, dynamic and energetic, this name draws people who want things to be "different," and don't like the tried and proven.

Social, outgoing, something skirting the acceptable - or even pushing the envelope of what is legal."

Basically, my dream son.

It's amazing the difference a middle name makes.

Last night at dinner with Chris' family (they don't know the name yet either, it's being announced at my Pgh baby shower in two weeks), someone (unbeknownst to them) made a comment that made the middle name decision for us. My choice reigned supreme! Not that I ever questioned that happening. Like I said, there can be only one.

So giddily I called up the Kabalarians to get a report on the name. It turns out they can't do a full report until the birth date is known, but the lovely lady on the phone did give me a few preliminary consultations on names and suggested I get a report on my name to get an understanding of what its all about so I can decide if I want to do a report on my son. First she went over "Rebecca Livingston" with me and it seemed OK -- she talked about the conflict my name creates between my sensitive and abrasive side, how I want to blend and stand out at the same time and she went on about how creative I am. Ah flattery. I was liking what I was hearing.

She talked about the "Morrow" name and said it was spontaneous and disorganized, more the merrier type people and argumentative. Not exactly how I'd describe the Morrows, but it got me thinking and Chris can be really scattered and he's way more spontaneous than me and he's always inviting people along at the last minute without any regard to how I feel about having them. And we do love to bicker. If a few days go by and he doesn't pick on me, I start to worry he's stopped loving me.

Finally, she consulted me on our first name choice with Morrow (she said until they had a birth date, the middle name didn't come into the equation). Here's the doom and gloom. She laid it out straight to me: It's not a strong name. He'd be artistic with high ideals, but would trust people too much, be gullible. He's be run by his feelings, caring and charming and would lack confidence and search out approval from others. This is not what I wanted to hear. If he shot the president to impress some girl, I would have to live with the fact it was because of what I named him.

I did what I often do in times of crisis, I turned to Tender Buttons. She said, "Why don't you just accept that your child will take after you and be caring, creative, charming and gullible?  Don't let the Kabalarians control you!  Name your son what you want to name him.  No name is perfect.  They didn't say conniving, thieving and stinky!"

Look you little snot, I'm not gullible, I have faith in mankind and the future. I embrace optimism.  I don't sit around preparing myself for the worst when times are good just so I can get in a lot of practice at being disappointed and suffering. If we can never raise our hopes or find solace in others, why did we ever move out of the caves and into mud huts? I think it's better to get you hopes up and be disappointed rather than always expect and accept that crap sandwich.

And yes, Tender Buttons, you're right. I will not let the Kabalarians control me. No I will not. The name stays!