Thursday, September 15, 2005

My Seven

Well C. Dale sure took his sweet time tagging me with that ESP. I was starting to feel like he didn't care anymore.

Seven Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. Tell Bono to go fuck himself
2. Write an essay clearly establishing Bono as the anti-Christ
3. Start my own poetry press and name it PILF
4. Meet every poet published in No Tell Motel
5. Increase my psychic powers
6. Write that children's workbook
7. Write 10,000 poems (I'm not nearly as ambitious as Jordan)

Seven Things I Can Do:

1. Tell just about anyone to "Go fuck themselves"
2. Hula hoop!
3. Correctly guess men's suit sizes
4. Steal T-Rob's lines and make them my own
5. Dress my baby like a tool (he's totally helpless!)
6. Insist Chris go back upstairs and change that shirt (he reflects on me!)
7. Go to Vegas and teach C. Dale the wonders of nickel slots

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

1. Sing well
2. Whistle
3. Roll my tongue
4. Wink my right eye
5. Touch my toes
6. Hold my liquor
7. Pile driver Chris

Seven Things That Attract Me to the Same Sex:

1. Shoes
2. Earrings
3. Handbags
4. Charm Bracelets
5. Good Teeth
6. Child Bearing Hips
7. Wickedness

Seven Celebrity Crushes:

1. Jake Gyllenhaal as Donnie Darko in Donnie Darko
2. Russell Crowe as Maximus in Gladiator
3. Vin Diesel as Riddick in Pitch Black
4. Paul Newman as Brick Pollitt in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
5. Hugh Jackman as Wolverine in X-Men
6. Jude Law as Vassili Zaitsev in Enemy at the Gate
7. Tom Brokaw after he felt me up


At 10:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, i can't wink my left eye! we could be a team...

At 11:47 AM, Blogger Charles said...

Now I'm certain you and I can effectively scope boys together at AWP because you have really wonderful taste.

Also, I fell out of my chair laughing while reading this.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger C. Dale said...

Jeez, I have been signalling you with my ESP since within 5 minutes of posting that meme. I was beginning to think you were ignoring me.

At 9:12 PM, Blogger Phatback said...

Hey, I'll write the children's educational materials. (Coming soon: Dealer Shows a 6 book, DVD and flash card set)

But now it makes more sense why someone came home with a cryptic message for me to go fuck myself. I thought it was just the alcohol talking.

At 9:42 PM, Blogger Peter said...

"Tom Brokaw after he felt me up" HAHAHA! (But not before?) ~grin~

At 9:05 AM, Blogger Ivy said...

About Jude Law: me, too! That scene (you know the one) (with that bint) was hott!

At 1:49 AM, Blogger Phatback said...

Did you know Vin Diesel wrote the foreword for the book commemorating the 30th anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons?

At 9:26 PM, Blogger David Amulet said...

Hey -- if you got your wishes in reverse order, even if you didn't get all the way to number one, you could tell Bono to fuck off via your overwhelming powers of brainwave projection ...

Fun stuff. Keep up the great writing!
David Amulet


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