Saturday, January 24, 2009

A is the First Letter of the Alphabet

Would I want any asshole to perform brain surgery on me?

No, I'd want the asshole with the M.D. and experience doing brain surgery.

Last month during my visits to museums in Amsterdam I came across a Rembrandt painting of a doctor pulling a brain out of a cadaver's skull.

I thought well, this is how we progress.

Do I find all poetry commentary valuable and worthwhile? Of course not. Statistically, the chances of my thinking "what an asshole" after reading someone's thoughts on poetry is rather high. This is regardless of where the commentary appears.

Assholes enjoy comfort and privilege in every level of society.

Sometimes assholes are incredibly popular and carry a great deal of influence.

Sometimes I'm bothered by the attention or acclaim that certain assholes receive.

Well, the assholes need their mouthpiece assholes, don't they?

Sometimes I think someone's an asshole even when I agree with the asshole.

I hate that!

That's when I start to stress, because if I agree with the asshole, does that make me the asshole too?

Asshole is how we distinguish ourselves from one another.

I see it differently and I am correct, therefore you are an asshole.

When I yell "Hey asshole!" at the guy who cuts me off on the highway, I'm saying he's a worse driver than me -- even though I've given several examples on this blog of past poor driving on my part.

Labeling someone an asshole is the way I don't have to acknowledge his weaknesses and faults in myself.

I reject you and everything you stand for, asshole!

Ten years ago a woman lived in my town. She self-published a poetry book written in greeting card style, every poem centered, each line ending with . . . (dot dot dot). The title was A Potpourri of Love. Everybody knew who she was. They called her the Poet of Reston. When people learned I was in graduate school studying poetry, they offered to introduce me to her. She had a book. Maybe she could help me. Teach me a few things. It took all my self-control not to scream: Hey, I'm getting my MFA, do you know what that means? I'm not some asshole writing crappy love poems, I'm a trained, real, serious poet!

Never actually said that to any of those well-meaning assholes. I'd say it afterward to Chris. He was always very amused. He still is. Often I update him on the latest controversy in poetryland and he laughs and laughs.

He thinks you're all a bunch of assholes.

Don't take that too personally, he's the asshole who always says the most inappropriate thing at the worst possible time.

Yet somehow we manage to go on.


At 11:16 PM, Blogger shanna said...

I don't know what we'd do without you, Reb. Heh.

At 3:39 PM, Blogger odalisqued said...

I am such an asshole I will now post a link to the dutch translation of my 2005 poem




It will now be the title of a book, but with a neutral facial expression emoticon after " :| "

the verification on this is

"onalste" which I first read as "anal state"

Go figure that there is also an account on the internet of how I asked this question of a reading audience, and they all yelled "yes" and I sad "no, it's for sweethearts!"

I mean it.

At 3:51 PM, Blogger Reb said...

Anne, thanks for being an asshole.

If any assholes are having trouble with your link, they can just click here.

At 8:18 PM, Blogger Glenn Ingersoll said...

We all got one. The asshole does important work. If you're friendly with it it's better for you.

At 10:48 AM, Blogger JeFF Stumpo said...

Assholes are indeed needed. Remember the lesson of the crocogator...


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