When My Husband's Away . . .

. . . my long lost 9th grade telephone boyfriend sends me an e-mail! He's way dreamier than I remember, but then again, I was a flat-chested braceface in those days, so I suppose I have no room to talk. He said my web page was "pretty darn interesting" which I believe is code for "nutty."

I was taking a break from my top secret peanut butter and jelly project to goof off and yah! this surprise message. Turns out he's a musician living in LA and was just signed by a record label, a real one, not one of those out-of-the-basement kinds. So I got to thinking, in a couple years when he's famous and lending his name to political causes, what stories can I sell to Star Magazine? After pondering it I realized I'm screwed, we never even held hands or kissed. In fact, I never saw him out of school. Him calling on the telephone was more than enough to drive my mother into a tizzy. So, 9th grade telephone boyfriend, your fame and reputation are not in jeopardy from me, even if I was down on my luck dancing for chicklets, I don't think I'll be able to use our past association for any financial gain.

He found me on the West Mifflin alumni site. As did a childhood friend, who wrote last week and said:

i am trying to figure out if i know you or not.  did you go to locust grove elementary school?  and is your birthday on christmas?  i can remember going to school at locust grove with a girl named rebecca, she was a year younger than me. and her birthday was on christmas.  she was always really nice to me even though  i wasnt very popular.  and if that person is you.  just wanted to say thanks.  i have always wondered what happened to her.(you)

See, I wasn't always a troll. Maybe someday I'll share the tale of what made me into what I am today.