Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Burlesque After Hours

Last night's Burlesque Poetry Hour photos are up.

Afterwards a bunch of us hung out in the Dark Room and did our funniest impressions of you.

Then at 11 p.m. two drunks came in and demanded a poetry reading (for real).

We were all "the reading is over" and they were all "read, monkeys!"

So we read from Shafer Hall's Never Cry Woof, the preferred poetry of drunkards.

Then they demanded we pose for this picture.

And then the drunks read from the book.

The woman drunk was all "I really like these pictures!"

And the man drunk was all "Shit, I could write that!"

Then we all went home.

Labels: ,

Monday, July 30, 2007

Where I'll Be Tonight

Burlesque Poetry Hour

Review of Shafer Hall's Never Cry Woof

" . . . fucking funny . . ."

Nathan Bartel, Octopus #9, read entire review here

Labels: ,

This Week at No Tell

Clay Matthews feels terrible about the whole argument between free will and destiny this week at No Tell Motel.

Labels: ,

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Tomorrow at Burlesque

Theo Hummer, Scott Glassman and Jehanne Dubrow


Saturday, July 28, 2007

Caffeine Destiny Fall 2007

I have poems in the latest issue of Caffeine Destiny.

Contributors: arlene ang, mary biddinger, ryan collins, john gallaher, anne heide, david lehman, reb livingston, rebecca loudon, john morrison, susan stewart


Cover Unveiling . . .

Cover Design by Meghan Punschke

Labels: ,

Friday, July 27, 2007

New Saint Elizabeth Street

Poets include

Nancy Kuhl
Michael Leong
Changming Yuan
Jason Fraley
David Wolach
Jennifer Firestone
Maryrose Larkin
Larissa Shmailo
Translation of Dante by Anna Akhmatova
Susanna Fry
Kristin Abraham
Carolyn Guinzio
Meredith Quartermain
Stephanie Strickland
Gil Fagian



Thursday, July 26, 2007

How do you know when a kid is really tired?

When the cop-out cookie bribe fails.

When is a tank top in July a bad idea?

When a cranky, tired kid tries to climb you like a tree.

This evening several nearby strangers got a good look at the rack mounted in a burgundy VS IPEX® demi -- and they didn't have to read this blog. And I might add none of them accused me of m@d ph0t0sh0p ski1z.

Oh well, tonight I'm in the company of a bag of chocolate chip cookies. We're here for one another. My warm, crumbly friends.

Warning Will Robinson, Warning!

I think I like C. Dale's answer the best.


Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Let's Make Lots of Money

A few weeks ago I became very concerned about how Chris was spending his time online. Every time I'd glance at his laptop screen, he was here.

I didn't tell anyone about this. I was too ashamed.

Then I read this article about how the guy who created that dumb ass kitty cat site makes an estimated $5,600 in monthly revenue.

A couple days ago I looked at our bank statement and saw a $100 deposit from Google Adsense and remembered we get one of those every few months for this site Chris created with a script years ago. Aside from telling a few friends about it, he never advertised or promoted it. It became a word of mouth thing and every day thousands of people go here to view, sometimes vote or make obnoxious comments on the most recent 25 pictures uploaded on LiveJournal. Apparently people just sit at work and hit reload all day -- which is kind of amazing because many of the pictures posted to LiveJournal are not work appropriate.

A while back I had Google Adsense on this blog and it took me a year to make $100 -- and I'm pretty sure most of that was because one my friends made a regular habit of clicking on the ads. Guess I wasn't posting enough pictures.

Someday I'm gonna figure out this internet thing and when I do, there will be no end to my cultural capital.




Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Thanks to everyone who posted below, but I just want to make one thing clear -- I'm NOT worried about Gideon. If I was, I probably wouldn't have brought it up here. I agree he could benefit from the speech therapy and I fully support it. And I'm speech therapy drop-out myself (did it until 5th grade for a lisp, couldn't hack the social stigma in 6th grade, problem corrected itself in 9th grade when I got braces).

Actually I find it kind of hiliarous that my son isn't verbal considering I was an obnoxiously overly verbal child (despite the lisp). Come to think of it, I'm still obnoxiously overly verbal -- that's right, blame the mother, I turned the poor child off to speech.

Monday, July 23, 2007

This likely won't come as a surprise to most of you, but 2 1/2 year old Gideon started therapy today.

Hey, cut the kid some slack, you'd be in therapy too if I was your mother! Well, this is speech and language therapy. He doesn't say any words. He said a couple when he was 1, but stopped. Now he has a whole language of mumbles and intonations and he does it all without moving his lips. His influences appear to be Kenny on South Park without the hooded coat and Curious George. Does that make him avant guarde or school of quietude? Does it matter that he's never seen South Park?

The therapist says she's never heard a child "talk" quite like him -- of course not, he's my son, he's unique, dare I say innovative. He's doing new things with toddler sound.

So we're gonna work on getting those lips moving and make him like a regular talking boring kid.

I'm thinking fun with lip gloss, but Chris, as always, poo-pooed that good idea.

And that's as close as I'll get to writing "poop" on my blog today. You're welcome.

This Week at No Tell Motel

Pirooz Kalayeh makes minced meat of mantras this week of No Tell Motel.


Sunday, July 22, 2007

New Coconut Available

Coconut Nine--featuring new poems, translations, and collaborations by Andrei Codrescu, Bernadette Mayer, Terita Heath-Wlaz, Jonah Winter, Stephen Paul Miller, Hoa Nguyen, Meghan Punschke, Louisa Spaventa, Dan Hoy, Betsy Fagin, Andrew Zawacki, Caryl Pagel, Karyna McGlynn, CAConrad, Didi Menendez, Mark Ducharme, E. Tracy Grinnell, Olivia Cronk, Nava Fader, Megan A. Volpert, Gary Barwin & Gregory Betts, Ulf Stolterfoht, Rosmarie Waldrop, Amy Berkowitz, and Tao Lin--is now live on the web. Come visit: http://www.coconutpoetry.org!



Just finished an interview for Collin's The Business of Words podcast, scheduled for airing in October right when Your Ten Favorite Words comes to light.

Forgot to inquire about his foot, for shame. I even made a mental note to ask, but when he called, right on the dot, guess what I was doing?

That's right, wiping my son's bottom.

It's been two and half years and I'm officially CONSUMED, it's all I think about. If you're wondering why it's taking me so long to respond to your e-mail, rest assured, it's nothing personal, just my new preoccupation.

So if you don't like reading about poop, consider it too unseemily or inappropriate, find another blog to read cause Cackling Jackal is officially Butt Wipe Central.

That's right, I'm Captaina Butt Wipe.

Spread it around.


Labels: ,

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Grubby Hand Update

Anthropy by Ray Hsu (Nightwood Editions)

North of There by Chris Pusateri (Dusie)

Unreconstructed: Poems Selected and New by Ed Ochester (Autumn House Press)

Holliday by Jennifer El Knox (Big Game Books)
Some Like Poems by Michael Comstock (Big Game Books)
Voice Notes 5: fox + three Daughters (Big Game Books)
Four Hands by Jenna Cardinale (Big Game Books)
1 Doz. Poison Hay(na)ku by Ivy Alvarez
Is Beside the PointLars Palm (Big Game Books)
I'll Show Your Room by Jordan Stempleman (Big Game Books)
Rachel (in the temporary mist of prayers) by Cindy Savett (Big Game Books)
The Wide Side of Texas by Shafer Hall (Big Game Books)
Two Poems by Cecily Parks (Big Game Books)
from Preterrain by C.S. Perez (Big Game Books)
Bravo Echo Gult by Jen Benka (Big Game Books)


I often wonder what happens to the kids who star in instructional potty videos. What happens when they grow up and see the footage of themselves sitting on a toilet giving the thumbs up?

Friday, July 20, 2007

Woke to a diaper that no mommy should ever have to endure. Unscheduled bath because washclothes and wipes weren't enough. Tears and anger over the change in routine. Then tears and anger over the routine. He doesn't want to wear cloth diapers during the day anymore. He demands a disposable, but we only use those when we're going somewhere and we weren't going anywhere and mommy does not give into demands else the terrorists win and this was an enemy combatant. Or maybe an excessive consumerist intent on making his full contribution to the landfills. Or maybe a excessive consumerist combatant taking after his mother and objecting to the bulk the cloth diapers add to the backside. Somebody invent a pill.

Gotta stay the underpants course, got a cut and floor whizzer on my hands and it's high alert all summer here. He's spitting too. Ew.

Labels: ,

Thanks everyone for giving your opinion on the below photos. I've made my decision, I think. You'll have to wait for the book to find out. It'll be a highly guarded secret, just like Harry Potter.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Author Photo Vote

I will likely regret this as I often do when I ask people for their opinions, but what the hell -- which do you like the best?

1 - Profile

2 - Smile

3 - Smirk

4 - Another Smile

5 - Rack

Photos by Rachel Beamer




Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Bedside Guide Slips Into The Best American Erotic Poems

Received confirmation that everyone's been contacted, so I am happy to announce the following poems first appearing in No Tell Motel and/or The Bedside Guide to No Tell Motel will also appear in The Best American Erotic Poems: From 1800 to the Present (Scribner, February 2008):

"From the Other" by Laura Cronk

"On Reading Poorly Transcribed Erotica" by Jill Alexander Essbaum

"Shot Up in the Sexual Revolution: The True Adventures of Suzy Creamcheese" by Cynthia Huntington (part 4)

"To His Penis" by Paul Jones (Bedside Guide Only)

And I just got word that the following poem appearing in the forthcoming The Bedside Guide to No Tell Motel -- Second Floor will also be included in BAEP:

“February” by Michael Quattrone (Bedside Guide -- Second Floor Only)

Congratulations Laura, Jill, Cynthia, Paul, and Michael!

Labels: ,

Monday, July 16, 2007

I've been instructed to spread emu luv.


Poets for Prince

From the Daily Mail

And he is still doing it his way today as he releases Planet Earth, his brilliant new ten-track album, exclusively through The Mail on Sunday, a move that has sparked controversy across the music industry.

A spokesman for Prince said: 'Prince feels that charts are just music industry constructions and have little or no relevance to fans or even artists today. Prince's only aim is to get music direct to those what want to hear it. Prince famously took a stand against Warner Records in the Nineties when he went on strike and appeared with the world "slave" drawn on his cheek. Subsequently, he regained control of the publishing right to his work and broke down the existing system through his innovation.'

Planet Earth, which is not due to go on sale until July 24, will also be given away free to holders of tickets to Prince's London 02 concerts in August and September. When asked recently why he had decided to do this, Prince replied: 'It's directing marketing as well, and I don't have to be in the speculation business of the record industry, which is going through a lot of tumultuous times right now.' . . .

. . . However, in recent years it has been his determination to challenge the music industry that has had everyone in the business talking – and not always favourably. His decision earlier this year to offer a track from his new Planet Earth album, Guitar, as a free download as part of a deal with American mobile phone giant Verizon prompted anger from the record industry. But antipathy towards Prince for embracing new ways of getting his music to fans reached a crescendo when he decided to release Planet Earth, not in record shops or even online, but free inside The Mail on Sunday. It was another clear signal that Prince intends to keep control of his music. And with Planet Earth he is undoubtedly back to his very best.

This Week at No Tell

Sandra Simonds is the one who is willing to milk the cows this week at No Tell Motel

Labels: ,

Friday, July 13, 2007

New at The Continental Review

The "My Uncommon Concubine" video (poetry by me, video and music by Pirooz Kalayeh) is now available here.

Labels: ,

More Fun Being Here than Getting Here

Dear Cherryl, I totally need a wife. Your ring is in the mail.

The one day I don't have any internet access is the day a huge error appears on the front of No Tell Motel. My apologies to Joshua Marie Wilkinson.

This wouldn't have happened if I had a wife.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Things will be a little quiet here for the rest of the week. In the morning we'll be driving up to Boston for a family lobsterfeast/fest. It'll be the longest car ride of Gideon's life. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated. Thank you.

In the meantine, check out the latest issue of past simple.

Labels: ,

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

A graduate student told me about a professor who will raise a student's grade if it's lower than an A if the student publishes a poem in journal (with an ISSN) within a year.

Is this common practice? I have never heard of such a thing.

Is this an extra credit deal or is this professor implying he probably misjudged the quality of the student's work if she's able to obtain the stamp of approval from an editor? Or is it saying publication makes the world go round? Publication is all that matters in the end?

And the only stipulation for the grade bump is if the publication has an ISSN? It's a form to fill out. Any publication can get one. (Well, personal weblogs aren't eligible, but don't worry, it's still published -- even if it doesn't "count")

I've had professors who said don't be in a rush to publish, others who recommended places to send work. As an undergrad I had a professor who required all her students to submit to a magazine so we'd understand the process and in many cases, to make us aware such magazines existed. But publication never played into grading. I suppose it would be kind of cool to go back to a professor and be all "Remember my poems? The poems you consistently gave Cs? Well the Dinglesuck Review just took six and it has an ISSN and everything. In your face!"

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Library Market

from GalleyCat

Freakonomics co-author Stephen J. Dubner asks an intriguing question about public libraries on his blog: "If there was no such thing today as the public library and someone like Bill Gates proposed to establish them in cities and towns across the U.S. (much like Andrew Carnegie once did), what would happen?" His hypothesis is that publishers might actually try to block the initiative; "given the current state of debate about intellectual property, can you imagine modern publishers being willing to sell one copy of a book and then have the owner let an unlimited number of strangers borrow it?" he asks.

The entire post at Freakonomics


Monday, July 09, 2007

This Week at No Tell Motel

Joshua Marie Wilkinson gives our music a yarn to follow this week at No Tell Motel.

Labels: ,

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Holy Moly

Becky Hazelton, the editor of the brand new Jumps, took my general advice below regarding web content management and applied it her own magazine. As a busy mom I'm used to being ignored, tuned out and mocked for my mom pants (belly buttons are for whores!), so I'm a bit beside myself. I guess I can die now. No, no, as a busy mom, I don't have the luxury to die. I'll just have to be satisfied with my over-arching influence and continue on with my campaign of poetry domination. Stay tuned.


Saturday, July 07, 2007

My Unsexy Suggestions for Starting a New Online Magazine

Over the past few weeks Didi has been sharing her suggestions/opinions on how online poetry magazines should operate and after reading this kinda hilarious article about someone's failed attempt at sustaining a print magazine (found via Silliman), I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents. It's an unsexy 2 cents -- it's the practical stuff that's not nearly as fun as coming up with the magazine's name, manifesto, purpose, who to invite to contribute, etc. Most of it deals with organization and planning. Organization allows you to get a great deal of work done. Good planning avoids a lot of future tedious, repetitive tasks -- and believe me, there's already enough of that running a magazine. Why add to it?

If you're planning to publish a magazine that will grow in any kind of scale (meaning, if you plan on publishing more than once), these are topics you'd benefit to learn about and consider.

1. Content Management -- the most important technical aspect of putting content online and yet few new poetry magazines seem to take this into consideration. In fact, every time someone asks me for advice, this is the advice they all ignore -- probably because it sounds technical. But . . .

How is the work being archived? How are the archives displayed? Is it easy to link to individual pages? Are URLs going to change when the next issue is published? (very bad!) What happens if you need to make an unexpected, unplanned change on every single page of your magazine sometime in the future -- are you going to have to go back and change hundreds, possibily thousands of pages individually by hand, or simply change a template or two? What if you decide to re-design?

This becomes really important down the road. Web Content Management software makes this easy and automatic. (No Tell Motel uses pMachines -- which is no longer supported, that company's new web content management software is ExpressionEngine). Blogging software does content management too and using it doesn't mean your magazine has to look like a blog, or publish daily, or have dates or comments fields or a blog roll or whatever -- lots of "general" websites use these kinds of softwares for content management. You can publish "issues" just as easily. I use ExpressionEngine for No Tell Books and my general author site -- see, not blogs and incredibly easy to update and add content. You don't need Dreamweaver or any other expensive software if you're not doing any serious web design -- there are numerous templates out there than can be manipulated, changed and made completely unique. A lot of content management software is free or inexpensive, but if you want something really fancy, there are some web content management systems you can pay for -- although you likely don't need to. I don't.

NTM has been publishing since August 2004 and including all content from then until the end of July, that's 1093 pages. Publish on a quarterly schedule and in three years you could easily have that many pages to manage too. Even if you only have half or a quarter that many pages -- do you *really* want to manually manage every single page in your archive?

And if you need technical help setting up an online magazine, putting a content management system in place means you only need help that first time -- and from there you're set to publish and edit future pieces/issues all by yourself. You won't be beholden to your html programmer or designer.

2. Web Hosting -- understand what you need and what you're getting. Now I don't pay for outside web hosting (have my own server in the house), so I don't have a lot experience with this, but I've seen online magazines shut down mid-month because their plan had a visitor quota they went over.

And if you do your own hosting, for Christ's sake have a fast connection. If someone can tell you're doing your own hosting based on how long it takes to load your magazine, maybe you shouldn't be doing your own hosting.

3. Submission Management -- whether you're using the CLMP Submission Manager or your own system. When it comes to this, I'm totally low-tech, I use a spreadsheet. However you do it, you need something that records names, e-mail addresses, titles, dates, responses, etc. Once people start adding your magazine to their blog rolls, link pages, lists, databases and guides, you'll be inundated with unsolicited submissions (if you're taking them). If a trade magazine like Poets & Writers or Writers' Digest write two sentences about your magazine, prepare to be butt slammed (with submissions -- never fear, book sales or paid subscriptions will unlikely be affected).

Submissions always get lost, fail to arrive, some addresses get inadvertently marked as spam, e-mail accounts get nuked and everything is lost. If there's more than one person reading submissions, you need a system that gives everyone access to the submissions and the ability to discuss among each other. For discussion among multiple readers, you could set up a private wiki page or message board and password protect it. If it's just two readers, you can probably do it all via e-mail. It can be an informal, uncomplicated system. In fact, it's best to stick to something simple. Else through the virtual clutter and mismanagement you'll become one of those online magazines known for it's irresponsibility and lack of professionalism -- the kind of magazine that takes a year to respond, or never responds or publishes work without ever notifying the authors. Word of regular screw-ups spreads fast. People (poets especially) take such inconsideration personally. Resentment festers and suddenly hundreds of people have a firmly negative opinion of you -- and that's not including all the people who resent you for rejecting their work.

4. Layout -- so basic, yet so neglected. Is the content top-level and easy to find or did you design a treasure hunt? Is it obivious to the reader what she'll get if she clicks on something? I mean, does she know that by clicking on a hyperlink or an image she'll be taken to a poem, an essay, a video, what? In a world of links, do you really think many people will spend the time to figure out how to navigate your magazine? Is it easy and obvious how to get back to the front page/table of contents? If the piece has a title and an author, is that clear?

Is the text reader-friendly or are you prematurely blinding people with white text on a black background with a 9 point font? How many people instantly curse you upon first gaze of your magazine? Do you have any idea of the kind of karma you're creating for yourself? If there's an online magazine publisher hell, you will be sent there to spend your eternity.

5. Send Galleys -- this is really easy to do, you send the author a link to her page(s) before publication. She responds with "Looks great!" or "X needs to be changed to Z." You'd be surprised how many errors (especially formatting) happen, how often somebody will sign every correspondance as "Chuckie Chuckster" yet expect you to know he publishes as "Chuckles J. Chuckster, III" This also protects you from your own dumb ass mistakes, which you will make. Mistakes you will be forgiven for if you give the author a chance to correct them.

Yes, I agree, it's way more fun to discuss your concept, how your magazine is filling a void in poetry publishing, shaking things up, sticking it to all the asslickers. By all means, do that too -- that's the fun part and likely why you're doing any of this in the first place. Give your ideas a boost with a little thought on implementation -- that way readers won't be distracted by all that other stuff and maybe some will actually get (and appreciate) what it is you're trying to do.


Took Gideon to his pediatrician Friday afternoon and he's doing much better, his fever is gone. He didn't need the antibiotics (as I suspected from the hasty peek the 24 hour access doctor took of his throat before prescribing them). So I no longer have to hold Gideon down while squirting disgusting cherry-flavored syrup into his mouth, which is good because he's a little boy who hates to take his medicine. And no offense to the MDs reading this, but I don't think he cares much for doctors either. So if you ever happen to meet him, tell him you're a cobbler. He LOVES shoes. What a good boy.


Thursday, July 05, 2007

Just received my third and final blurb for Your Ten Favorite Words. Totally thrilled with each of them. Feeling like a lucky lucky girl tonight.

Woof Review

Dan Brady reviews Never Cry Woof in the latest issue of Growler.

Hall is a companion on the long trails, a generous bartender, a joking linguist, a wise cowboy, a charming Southern gentleman, a surrealist with two feet on the ground, a keen observer with plentiful imagination. As he writes in “A Malfunction at the Junction,” with Never Cry Woof, Shafer Hall has “loosed into the world / a tremendous wink.”


Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Spent this afternoon in the 24 hour medical center. No, Gideon didn't singe himself with a sparkler, he woke from his nap with a 101 fever and inflamed throat -- making him a very miserable little guy. We decided not to wait too long and went soon after the onset of his symptons. Didn't want to compete with the firecracker crowd.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Tender Buttons swung by to show off her gorgeous 3 carat sapphire engagement ring. No, no, her fabulous career wasn't enough, she had to go and get herself a man too. Greedy lawyers and their damn love.

Yeah, my ring might be smaller, but I have my poems keeping me warm at night. I'm all right, don't you worry about me! I didn't put a bid on this.

First she had to outsize me in boobs and now this.

No, no, I'm secure with my significantly smaller emerald engagement ring, I'm not that shallow . . . it's not the size that matters, but what you do with . . . oh boy, Chris is going to hear about this tonight!

Labels: ,

Monday, July 02, 2007

Let's Roll

Gideon's new acquisition

How To Impress An Editor, Part 1

"I think Reb Livingston liked the fact that I referred to my wang as my "lightning." I think that's what got my foot in the door."

Labels: ,

This Week at No Tell

Suzanne Frischkorn cuts school and watches Foxes this week at No Tell Motel.

Labels: ,

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Jumps is UP!

The first issue of Jumps is available.

I have two poems in this issue.


Shanna Compton
Andrew Epstein
Frank Giampietro
Lily Hoang
Janet Holmes
David Kirby
Rebecca Lehmann
Reb Livingston
Amber Pearson
Sandra Simonds
Jay Snodgrass
Kristine Snodgrass
Valerie Wetlaufer


"Resistance is Futile" by Shanna at DIY Poetry Publishing.:

"It just seems pointless and uninformed, frankly, to resist a decade-old technology that's already become the Way It Is, particularly when there are many benefits to leaving offset printing and overprinting behind. . .

. . . Did anyone make these same kind of arguments about the advent of movable type? "Movable type and the printing press means instant books can be produced in 1000 hours vs. the usual 10000000 it takes Irish monks to hand-illuminate them. It's cheapening the process!" Grumble, grumble. I think any letterpress printer (bless their hearts and gorgeous work) will tell you that to print complete books by that method you must be kind of insane. They'd also tell you their goals and concerns have very little to do with the market. As it should be. Treating the book as a fetish object is natural for people who love books--why shouldn't they be as beautiful as possible?--but that kind of bibliophilia is AT ODDS with the sort of bibliomania that compels us also to find and read as many good poems as possible."

Labels: , ,